The Power of Presence in Relationships
Hello and welcome to episode 319 of The Mindful Kind podcast and the second episode in the relationships mini-series.
If you haven’t listened to the previous episode about managing expectations in relationships, then I highly recommend you go and check that out. Just a quick reminder, this mini-series isn’t only about strengthening romantic relationships, but also about building friendships and potentially improving family relationships, too.
So, this episode is all about the power of presence in relationships and some practical tips to help you implement more presence into your relationships.
Since I started practicing mindfulness around ten years ago, one of the benefits I’ve noticed is an improvement in most, if not all of my relationships. And there are a few reasons for that, including becoming more open-minded and developing emotional intelligence as a result of my mindfulness practice.
But one of the simpler and sometimes overlooked benefits is that I feel more present in my relationships.
Through practicing mindfulness, I feel like I’ve developed a greater awareness of my attention and how to focus on the things that are really important. I’m more careful about minimising distractions and multi-tasking less and this has had a really cool knock-on effect in my relationships. I feel like I intentionally spend more quality time with my loved ones, I’m a better listener, I’m less distracted, and I just feel better when I’m more present.
So, I thought I’d share a few tips for becoming more present in your relationships and I hope you enjoy trying these out.
Tip 1: Develop habits that help you spend quality time with the people you care about.
I know this might sound straightforward, but I spent so many years waiting for random opportunities to spend quality time with my loved ones. And I know I’m not the only one. The problem with waiting and relying on random opportunities is that weeks, months, or maybe even years can go by before those opportunities occur.
What I’ve found really helpful instead is to create lots of little habits that help me prioritise spending quality time with people I love.
For example, I literally have a list written down of my good friends and if I haven’t heard from someone in a while, I’ll send them a message or give them a call. If my partner Dec and I have been working all day, then we’ll try to eat dinner together and talk. Little habits like those might not be big grand gestures, they’re small efforts that help me spend quality time with people I care about on a regular basis.
Tip 2: Plan more adventures with your loved ones.
So, tip 1 was all about the little efforts and tip 2 is more about the bigger, more exciting adventures where you can spend time with someone and feel connected by sharing a new experience. Honestly, this is one of my own goals for 2022.
Now that Dec and I have our own home, we’re so excited to be able to invite our good friends to come and stay and have more quality time (and fun experiences) with them. A few weeks ago, one of my closest friends stayed for the night and we went for a walk together so I could show her around our new neighbourhood and had a picnic on the porch. Next weekend, I’m catching up with my bridesmaids for my hen’s party, which I’m so excited about. I have no idea what we’ll be doing, but I’m just so excited to spend time with four women who are all so incredible in their own ways and I know we’ll have so much fun together!
The last three years have been a bit challenging because Dec and I have worked so hard and saved up the deposit for our home while living on my mum’s property, and of course, there was Covid and multiple lockdowns as well. I missed going on adventures and spending that quality time with my friends and doing new things. So I am really excited to do more of that this year.
If you’d like to prioritise this, too, then I recommend making a list of all the places in your area that you’d like to explore. Walks, gardens, restaurants, the beach, yoga studios, rivers, small towns, wineries, cities. Maybe once or twice a month, choose a friend or family member to invite on a new adventure with you.
Tip 3: Look after your needs.
I think this one is really important. When I’m feeling frazzled or overwhelmed or stressed, I find it really difficult to be present in my relationships. And especially being an introvert, I don’t have endless energy to spend on other people, I really need that time alone to unwind and process and recharge.
I listen to my needs as much as I can and honour them whenever possible because I know that helps me feel more present and grounded when I’m spending time with people I care about.
Just a little side tip here that I discovered recently - when my friend came to stay a few weeks ago, we both ended up reading books for an hour or so. We were in the same room, but I think maybe we both needed a bit of time to rest (at least I know I did!) and it was awesome that we could do something slow and quiet but still be together.
So, if you really want to spend time with a loved one but you’re feeling like you need to rest, maybe suggest a quiet or simple activity like that. You could watch a movie together, do a slow yoga class, meditate, listen to music, or do anything else that might feel good for you both.
Tip 4: Ask more questions in an open-minded and curious way.
When you’re spending time with someone you care about, a powerful thing to do is to ask open-ended questions and give them a safe space to talk. Pay attention, stay open-minded, and be curious about what new things you could learn about them. Some questions that can work well include:
Tell me more about what happened this week?
How are you feeling about work at the moment?
What are your hopes for the next month?
Tip 5: Create a consistent mindfulness practice.
As I mentioned earlier, learning to be more mindful and practicing it regularly naturally helped me become more present in my relationships. This is one of the things I love about practicing mindfulness. The more you implement it, the more you get used to feeling present and open-minded and less judgemental or distracted.
But also, one of the tips I mentioned earlier is that it’s important you look after your needs. And mindfulness can be a great practice to help you take good care of yourself. A consistent practice can help you manage stress and find more moments of calm in your daily life. Like me, you might find that it helps you fall asleep at night, and it can help you rest and recharge so you’ll have more energy.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and how to create a consistent practice? My signature online course, Mindfulness Made Easy is open for enrolment.
Mindfulness Made Easy isn’t just a course about mindfulness. It’s an amazing experience where you’ll have all the support and accountability you need to create an incredible mindfulness practice that you can draw on for the rest of your life. You’ll discover some of the key mindfulness techniques and how to apply them in really fun and meaningful ways so you can spend more time feeling present in the moment and less overwhelmed, stressed, or scattered.
You’ll get exclusive access to my 555 Mindfulness Strategy, monthly Q and A videos so you can feel more supported on your journey with mindfulness, as well as access to the private Facebook group with me and all my other students, where I’ll be checking in with you each week and doing live videos and so much more. Click here to discover the exciting details and enrol today!
Thanks so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
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