Perfectionism, Self-Sabotage, and Imposter Syndrome
Hello and welcome to episode 322 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
I’m so very excited about this episode because it features some of the amazing questions asked by my students inside my online course, Derail Imposter Syndrome.
In this episode, you’ll hear some incredible questions about self-sabotage, perfectionism, and more. I can’t wait to dive into them, but first, if you’re new to this podcast and you’re unsure about what imposter syndrome actually is, please go and listen to episodes 308, 309, and 310 of The Mindful Kind podcast to discover some of the signs of imposter syndrome, how it can hold you back from success, and how to identify imposter syndrome quickly.
I’ve personally struggled with imposter syndrome multiple times in my own life, which is why I’m so passionate about this topic and supporting people to overcome it.
Ok, let’s dive into the questions, I’m so excited!
The first question is: “I just started a new job and I feel like a fraud. Everyone seems so much more qualified than I am and I’m worried I’m in way over my head. What should I do?”
First of all, I think it’s really important to give yourself some time to adjust to your new job. It’s normal to feel a bit nervous and overwhelmed when you’re starting something new or going outside your comfort zone. There is probably a lot to learn and it might be true that some of the people around you will have more qualifications or experience than you. That’s ok. I’ve don’t think I’ve ever started a job and felt totally confident and at ease in the beginning. It often takes time to build up some confidence and knowledge and experience. So yes, you might be feeling like a bit of a fraud right now, but you might find that it’s temporary and starts to fade away.
However, it’s also important to keep two things in mind.
1 - If imposter syndrome doesn’t start to go away or if it gets more intense, then I highly recommend seeking support and talking to someone who can share advice or guidance.
2 - It’s ok to experience Imposter Syndrome and be aware of it, but try not to let it interfere with making good decisions. For example, Imposter Syndrome might make you feel like you can’t ask for help because you need to pretend like you’re perfect, but that’s often not helpful. Instead, try asking for help from someone so you can learn and grow in your new role.
The next question about imposter syndrome is: “I struggle with self-sabotage and whenever I feel like I’m close to success, I usually find a way to destroy it. Is there anything I can do to stop sabotaging myself?”
This is a really challenging situation and I do understand how frustrating and disappointing it can be. It’s interesting because I think so many of us have been encouraged or pushed to succeed, but we weren’t necessarily taught how to cope with more success.
And I think that can be a bit of a problem because success isn’t always this amazing thing. Success can sometimes lead to more responsibility, which can be scary. It can lead to feelings of isolation if your peers or friends or family don’t completely support your success. It can lead to more pressure and stress. Sometimes, achieving success can create a lack of purpose and motivation because you’ve done the thing you set out to do. And it can also lead to stronger feelings of being a fraud because the more you succeed, the more you feel like you have to perform well or measure up to the people around you.
So, please know that it’s quite normal to have mixed feelings about achieving success. I’ve been there many times myself.
Now, back to the question about self-sabotage. The first thing I’d like to ask is do you actually want more success? Or are you genuinely happy doing what you’re doing already? I’ve noticed that I engage in self-sabotage sometimes when I don’t actually want to achieve more success with something. A few years ago, I had an opportunity to enter this podcast into a podcast awards competition. And I completed the form, then procrastinated and procrastinated over sending it in. Eventually, I missed the deadline and at first, I was disappointed in myself and I felt like I’d missed a shot at greater success. But then, I realised that I didn’t actually want to be in the competition. I was happy just doing my own thing with the podcast, I didn’t have the money to travel to an awards ceremony, and I had so much going on at the time, I didn’t need any further pressure on me.
Now, let’s say you do actually want to achieve greater success but self-sabotage is holding you back. First of all, I highly recommend diving into the mindset audios in module 3 of the Derail Imposter Syndrome Online Course. Listen to at least one each day if you can. And then dive into the Create Your Own Success Template inside the workbook for Module 5.
I think it can also be really helpful sometimes to work towards success one small step at a time. Try not to focus too much on the big end goal because it might be a bit intimidating. Just figure out the next step you can take towards success, make an action plan about how to achieve it, engage in self-care if you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask for help if you need to, and keep moving forward.
The final question about Imposter Syndrome is: “I feel like I’m trying to pretend I’m perfect, especially at work, and it’s exhausting. Why can’t I just let myself make mistakes sometimes?”
This can be another tough situation and having some perfectionistic tendencies myself, I know how compelling it can feel to want to avoid mistakes. I can still get upset over mistakes, especially when I feel like I’ve let someone down.
You know, it’s interesting because my partner Dec and I have been watching SAS Australia, it’s a tv show where people do some really intense things and you see them fail and make mistakes and disappoint other people and disappoint themselves. I think part of the reason why I like watching it is because I’m deeply curious about seeing how people handle failure. I love it when someone makes a mistake and they pick themselves back up and keep trying. It’s something I’m still working on myself, so I really like to see examples of it. Actually, in saying that, I’ve also enjoyed quite a few episodes of a podcast called How to Fail by Elizabeth Day. I like hearing about people’s stories and experiences with failure and how they navigated them.
The point of all that is I think it can be helpful to watch other people fail and learn from how they handle it. If you were in a similar situation, what would you do? If you could take away something from their experience, what would it be? Does it help when they beat themselves up over failure or do they do something else that’s more helpful?
And the last thing I’d like to say is that mistakes and failures are tough. You don’t have to fail perfectly. I don’t want to tell you to make a mistake and “just let it go and move on.” I personally find it really hard, sometimes impossible, to do that. It’s ok if you need some time to heal and talk about the mistake with someone you trust and look after yourself and let time heal any emotions of anger, disappointment, guilt, or frustration. Making mistakes can be hard. But each time, try to learn something new that might help you next time and I think you’ll grow into a more resilient person who might be able to fail a little easier.
I really hope you’ve enjoyed listening to these great questions from my wonderful students inside the Derail Imposter Syndrome online course. If you’d like to join us, I’ve just re-opened enrolment for Derail Imposter Syndrome and you can find out more and sign up here. In the course, you’ll find all the information, tips, and techniques to overcome imposter syndrome so you can feel more confident and stop holding yourself back from success. I’d love to see you there!
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
ONLINE COURSE
Derail Imposter Syndrome
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