7 Strategies to Help You Be Mentally Strong During Tough Times
When she was growing up, undercover and counterintelligence FBI agent, LaRae Quy, never learned how to swim. Jumping off a high diving board into an Olympic sized pool with an M-16 and swimming to the other side probably wasn’t high on her list of priorities!
And yet, in order to get through the FBI academy, that was exactly what she had to do.
In an interview, Quy said, “I remember getting to the top of the diving board knowing I couldn’t swim, and to make matters worse I discovered in that moment that I was afraid of heights.”
If you’ve faced a fear of your own, you can probably imagine just how terrifying this would have been. You feel that drop in your stomach, your muscles tense, and your heart starts pounding in your chest.
“I needed to be resilient. I needed to step into the unknown. And that’s the whole purpose of the academy. They give you a mindset that you can throw me into any squad, anywhere, anytime, and I will land on my feet” she said.
Quy began mentally listing all the reasons why she wouldn’t drown, then she took a deep breath, and jumped.
She sank to the bottom of the pool and rose back to the surface, then made her way to the other side as best as she could. She graduated from the academy and worked for the FBI for 24 years.
Being mentally strong isn’t always about facing your greatest fears. However, it is about learning and developing resilience and finding effective ways to navigate challenging experiences.
In this article, you’ll discover seven strategies to help you become more mentally strong so you can feel supported, resilient, and persistent when times get tough.
Strategy 1: Focus on things you can control
When you focus too much attention on things you can’t control, you might feel overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness and fear. However, when you focus on things you can control, you’re more likely to feel more calm, productive, empowered, positive, and strong.
Try to spend your energy on practical or meaningful activities. For example, try to:
Spend quality time with your pets or kids
Create healthy meals
Write nice comments on social media
Set fun goals for the week ahead
Meditate
Clean and de-clutter your home
The more you spend your time and energy on things you can control, the less you’ll be worrying about things you can’t control. Plus, you can actually work on protecting your wellbeing by engaging in activities that are good for you.
One more thing you can do when times get tough? Sign up for my free 7-Day Relaxation Challenge below! Each day for a week, you’ll discover a new relaxation technique to focus on, from breathing techniques to mindful walking. You’ll receive a beautiful workbook and email support from me during the challenge. I hope you enjoy it!
Strategy 2: Engage in meaningful or positive coping mechanisms
I’ll be the first to say I used to rely on not-so-good coping mechanisms, like drinking too much alcohol to numb my emotions. I knew this coping mechanism wasn’t helpful, but I didn’t know what else to do at the time. Drinking alcohol gave me some relief for a little while, but it often led to poor decisions I later regretted and I usually felt worse afterwards.
Discovering and using positive coping mechanisms has made a huge difference for me. When things get tough, I have a toolkit of strategies and activities to look after myself well. I feel more capable of coping with challenges, plus I get to build my resilience and skills for the future.
A positive coping mechanism usually allows you to healthily express your emotions, it’s practical, and it helps you feel better in the long-term (unlike negative coping mechanisms like binge-drinking, excessive eating, or compulsive spending, which tend to make you feel worse).
Some of my own positive coping mechanisms include:
Doing yoga
Writing in a journal
Talking with my partner or a good friend
Practising mindfulness and meditation. I particularly like self-compassion meditations because they give me time and space to acknowledge and non-judgementally feel my emotions while improving my self-talk.
I’ve created a beautiful meditation album designed to help you implement self-compassion, too. It’s an incredible skill that can help you process your emotions non-judgementally and show yourself the same kindness you show towards others. You can find out more about the Self-Compassion Meditation Album here.
Strategy 3: Honour your emotional needs, but also honour logic
Be aware of your emotions and tend to your emotional needs, but also take your rational thoughts and logic into consideration.
For example, I was recently booked to do an interview for a podcast. In the hours leading up to the interview, I was feeling tired, depleted, and nervous. The emotional part of me wanted to cancel the interview and spend the rest of the day relaxing. The logical side of me knew that when I started the interview, my energy would perk up and the nerves would begin to dissipate.
So, I acknowledged my emotions without judgement and then decided to be guided by my logical thoughts. I did the interview and honoured my emotions by taking some time for self-care once it was finished.
Strategy 4: Ask for support
Loneliness tends to amplify the challenges of tough times. When you have someone trustworthy to talk to and you feel heard and validated, it often becomes much easier to cope. Below, you’ll find 2 potential options to find good support during difficult times, even when you don’t have a friend or family member you want to talk to. Of course, you can always chat with your doctor for a referral to a psychologist or counselor, too!
Option 1: BetterHelp Online Counseling
BetterHelp is an online counseling platform that aims to make professional counseling accessible, affordable, and convenient for people around the world. BetterHelp will assess your needs via a short and confidential survey, then match you with your own licensed professional therapist. You can then start communicating in less than 24 hours, plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions.
I’ve personally been using BetterHelp for extra support during the COVID-19 pandemic. My counselor is kind, thoughtful, and professional. She’s shared helpful strategies with me and I feel reassured knowing that I have someone open-minded and caring to talk to. There have been so many changes lately and since my work involves supporting other people, I like to make sure I’m taking good care of myself and my own mental health, too.
You can find out more about BetterHelp and how it compares to other online counseling options here.
If you’d like to try BetterHelp yourself, click here and receive 10% off your first month.
*Please note, I’m a proud partner for BetterHelp and I believe in their mission to provide accessible and professional counseling with people around the world. If you sign up via my link, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Option 2: Call a Helpline
Calling a Helpline can be a wonderful option when you want to receive support and guidance quickly. You can find an appropriate Helpline by typing “Helpline” and the name of your country into Google. If you’re in Australia, you can find a range of Helpline options here.
Strategy 5: Try not to resist change – focus on adapting to it
Change can be overwhelming and stressful, but that doesn’t mean it’s inherently “bad”. Sometimes, change is necessary and the best way to move forward is to adapt to it. Your energy might be better spent acknowledging and accepting change, rather than struggling to resist it.
Below, you’ll find some practical ways to work with change (rather than against it).
Learn more about what’s actually changing and how you can deal with it
Ask questions to improve your understanding of the specific changes and how they might affect you
Look for habits to start implementing into your life to help you accept change
Create solid routines that help you feel supported as you navigate new things
Experiment to see what works well in the face of change. Try to be curious, rather than judgemental
Strategy 6: Encourage yourself & embrace a growth mindset
If there’s one thing that will make tough times even harder, it’s negative self-talk.
“I can’t cope with this.”
“Why do bad things always happen to me?”
“I hate myself for making mistakes.”
These are just a few examples of negative self-talk that will quickly make a difficult situation harder to deal with.
Learn how to identify negative self-talk and re-frame it into more helpful thoughts. One simple strategy is to ask yourself “What is the most helpful thought I could tell myself right now?”. Or, “What would I say to my best friend if they were going through the same thing?”.
It can also be helpful to embrace a growth mindset. To learn more about growth mindsets, be sure to read Mindset by Carol Dweck or tune in to episode 74 of The Mindful Kind podcast, called Mindsets and Resilience.
Strategy 7: Meditate & live mindfully
Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment with an attitude of open-mindedness and curiosity. I first learned about mindfulness as a Helpline Volunteer at the Anxiety Recovery Centre during my second year of psychology studies.
Stress and anxiety have played huge roles in my own life ever since I was a young girl (which is a huge reason why I was passionate about studying psychology in the first place!). And, when I started practising mindfulness, it made a huge difference for me.
I began to learn how to slow down panicky thoughts about the future and reduce rumination. I started enjoying better quality sleep, more connected relationships, and mindful self-care.
Mindfulness and meditation are great practices to help you navigate tough times. Below, you’ll find some simple ideas you can try yourself.
Give yourself compassionate space to process your emotions
Use visualisations to relax
Engage in breathing techniques to focus on the present moment when your thoughts are becoming overwhelming
Do daily activities mindfully, like gardening, cooking, or showering
If you’re not sure about how to incorporate mindfulness or meditation into your life, check out my best resources below!
In The Mindful Kind book, you’ll discover a variety of mindfulness and meditation practices and how to apply them in different life areas, including relationships, work, health, and hobbies. This is a resource you can return to time and time again for new ideas and inspiration.
The Mindful Kind podcast is available for free on many podcasting apps, including Spotify and iTunes. You’ll discover more than 200 episodes (each one is around 10 minutes long) and featuring interesting research, strategies to improve mental wellbeing, mindful living ideas, my personal experiences, and so much more!
My blog posts about mindfulness featuring articles about mindfulness myths, mindful work breaks, mindfulness routines, and mindfulness activities (to name a few!).
My blog posts about meditation featuring articles about relaxing bedtime meditations, interesting meditation resources, meditation tips, and more.
Summing Up
Sometimes, tough times might bring you down. You might need to take some time to look after yourself. To heal. To pick yourself back up again. And whenever you’re ready, these strategies can help you cultivate resilience and become even more mentally strong.
